Sunday, November 17, 2013

Atma - Bhagavat Gita: Going against your brain

Do you have 47 minutes? Do you think evolution is based on random chance? It isn't! This video explains how beautiful Darwin's explanation for life in this world is. Please watch it if you even have a slightest doubt about whether evolution is true: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ok_tcAEbHHw

So, then. I am going to narrate a long tale of woe. A personal experience in the last few weeks. Brevity isn't my friend for this post, so you'll have to bear with my writing for a long while if you want to hear this out, my friend.

I signed up for a very theistic sounding course a few weeks ago: Atma. It is about unleashing your potential through learning the Bhagavath Gita. I looked up the course name online, and it seemed like someone doing this on their own, no affiliations to any organization or cult came up. I should have explicitly asked about their affiliation.

I wrote to ask about the religiousness of the course, and got a response that specifically said that it wasn't a class with religious connotations (spoiler). This response also contained some random psuedo-scientific stuff. I thought hinduism was long evolved and that it was a way of life, and hinduism itself isn't against scientific progress or rational thought. Funnily enough, I've heard many religious hindus say that their ancient ancestors, before recorded history, were so evolved that they flew planes, flew rockets, and knew the world was spherical, and the 10 forms of vishnu was proof that they already knew about evolution. Most hindus are not science deniers, many I know are science claimers. I thought this was a case of that, so I didn't see that as a warning bell either.

I had a super secular, rational upbringing. Truth is, I now know, after living in the United States for many years, more about the 3 major abrahamic religions, a subset of buddhism, mormonism, scientology and a bunch of controversial cults than what I know about Hinduism. I liked the Mahabharatha after I grew out of my childhood. It is an epic that talks about moral dilemmas and all the gray hues that make up people. Ramayana, which is what I preferred as a child, is a childish book where there are good and bad people, and good people only do good things, and the bad people only do bad things. It offers no practical value to an adult life that's full of decisions that need to be made between one shade of gray and another. And, hinduism, at least the part I knew, was vague about lots of things. One could say, "I am god, and you are too" and it would in all likelihood be some recognized subset of hindu philosophy. Of course, I have seen and been a part of absurdly stupid rituals, extremely male chauvinistic ones and extremely nonsensical things that people believed in without any rational thought whatsoever. But this course didn't look like those things.

I signed up, and went in for the first session dreading that I was going to have to sit in this hall for an hour and hear about lord krishna. There wasn't mention of any lords! And, no mention of religion or gods either.

Did I like the first session? Yes, I did like the first session which spoke about crises and how the ways in which a person chooses to manage any crises can either make the person come out of it stronger, or dig themselves in deeper.

All good stuff, I though. A great setting for some ethical and moral questions that the Mahabharata does talk about, like any literary work worth reading.

BUT.

Things started going downhill in the second session. The introduction of Atma (consciousness), as an eternal, infallible concept which was presented as the reason we are all here. The "evidence" presented for this "truth":
1. It's in our language: When someone dies we say "they passed away" implying there is something more to this life than this body alone. (correlation != causation)
2. We know it intrinsically, because everybody, even though so different, wants the same things: sat (eternity), chit (knowledge) and ananda (happiness). Since all of us want this, and this IS the property of the Atma (the root of consciousness btw), it exists. (we want something that they claim is true, so it's true?)
3. There are scientists who talk about the out of body experience. And this wasn't the most egregious thing they had to say. (why bring in 2 scientists here when a world of them aren't talking about it? This didn't sound so bad until later, when they dissed scientific reasoning, and said science cannot know of the higher plane of the atma)
4. The world would be all evil if people didn't intrinsically know that there is the eternal atma, beyond life. People would kill and rape each other if they didn't believe in the atma. (Oh, really? You would kill and rape and steal from your friend or random person on the street if they were only just flesh and blood but no eternal atma?)

In hindsight, this is when I should have stopped going. I should have taken the cue when they were talking about things that are "true" and they "know" to be true. And until we see it, we wouldn't know it. It's all on a different plane. And we as humans are in the plane of the material world which cannot easily see that other plane that they can see.

But, I still wanted to know if they'll get to the ethical dilemmas handling which they said they will in the first session. I brought up that there are several interpretations of the book and maybe this one focussed on  the atma stuff, but the guy said, there was just one and it was this. (My husband, who is very familiar with hindu philosophy, later said that it was a clever way of dominating a field, by denying even the existence of others).

Then they came to this question in the next session: Why do good people go through bad phases? Because the laws of Karma are always acting. This is the law that governs the worlds and the passing of the conscious soul between different "gross bodies", or physical matter. We don't know in this life, what we may have done to deserve this in the past lives. Someone in the class asked why the world had to be created with these rules, and why did we all have the choices to start off karma? There was an utterly unconvincing answer about how this will all come together in the remaining classes, but that would answer everything we needed to know.

And finally, 2 days ago they started talking about the designer and put forth William Haley's argument: A watch has a specific order and it cannot have come about by random, it has to have had a designer. Since there needs to be a designer for a watch, there needs to be a designer for the planets. The rising and the setting of the sun is so perfect, it needs a designer. If a painting of a rose has a designer with a motive, so should the rose itself! If a robot needs a designer, so should a human being.

I wasn't really sure if they were actually denying evolution itself at this point, but, my BP already was on the rise. The absolute worst statements immediately followed:
We are taught that all this life and universe came about "by chance" in school, how ridiculous is that idea? We should "question" this kind of teaching. And we should be taught to "reason" about such things, instead of accepting such illogic. We are taught in school that these things happen by "random chance" and we learn to accept that, instead of questioning it. Krishna is the designer of all things.

Wait. What?!

First, they said evolution didn't happen. Because "random chance" couldn't make something so orderly. But fact is, evolution is NOT random chance, was never said to be, and that is the beauty of natural selection. Refer to the video above to know how evolution really works and how much of evidence is in favor of it. The open mind I'm forever asked to keep by my religious friends, I urge you to keep for 50 minutes while watching that video, and decide for yourself which sounds more reasonable and even elegant: darwinian evolution, or one all powerful person designing all the species in existence, and fossilizing so many more species that seem to be our ancestors, wanting us to think we were evolved?

And next, they said, we should be taught "to think" and "reason" AGAINST scientific reasoning? Against all the knowledge we've gained since this archaic book was written? Wow. I wonder how that would fly even with a fifth grader.

I was extremely perturbed at this point, and pointed out that this was false equivalence and that all the scientific progress we've made since Darwin, and that so many astrophysicists and the biologists got us here, precisely by asking "questions" about the universe and life, and that evolution was simply NOT random chance. They responded by saying that "Even evolution is just a theory. And, it doesn't answer how life started, so it's not complete. The reality of Atma is very complete if you open your mind to it". Also, "when there is a designer for all man-made things, and purposes for which we create them, there is no way there is no designer for everything in our world because it is all so precisely ordered". And, some more folks decided that it is better that I shut up "because this argument will go no where" and "like science is based on some axioms that are accepted, I need to allow these folks to allow them their axioms and develop their model".

So, they were denying evolution, since the bhagavat gita says krishna says that we all contain the eternal being within us. If only we could see our atma and act on that realm, and then our atma could get to eternal bliss, instead of being tied to karma and ill-fated to be reborn on this vile planet where we needed to undergo so much suffering. I had no idea why people raised hindu would ever buy into the ridiculous sinners idea!

And, they went on to say that the reason we are in this material world is that we want to play "master"(which apparently all of us who aren't enlightened are trying to do). That's why the world is in such a bad shape - because all of us are trying to explain away the existence of this designer and act like we are the masters. (I find it hard to believe that these people claim that they are surrounded by sinners and people who want to play god, but they also claim to truly know all the answers because their book says so. I personally have been surrounded by wonderful, humble people who know they don't know everything there is to know. It is the godmen, from cults that claim to know everything).

All this was what they "knew". This is a more complete model of the universe and our existence, and purpose, this therefore must be true. Science doesn't answer how it all began. Atma answers everything, so it's awesome! Of course, all questions can be answered in a nice made-up fairy land. That there is nothing to corroborate even a millimeter of their *theory* somehow, in their minds, diminishes the method of proving things itself! They ask folks to put away our mental faculty, the one thing that seems to distinguish us humans from everything else on this planet. They ask us to have faith in their theory, which is in direct contradiction to every progress the human kind has made since 1859. The year humanity was shown a first glimpse of the magic of how we have come to be through the book On the Origin of Species.

All new religions & cults claim that we have sinned. Now, or in the previous life, or in the decision we made when their god started the clock for reasons that are very clear to them. The reason why they know we have all sinned, is because their book tells them so (it's also easiest to exploit a person already on a guilt trip). We need to believe in the eternal soul, and not worry about this materialistic world. And then we'll be peaceful and can gain a better life. But very conveniently (for them), only after death (so we can never question if their methods worked). According to the folks who spoke in these classes, we go to this other realm where there is eternal bliss. And, it cannot be attained until we act on the higher dimension of atma. I wonder why so many cults often resort to psychedelics.

Why did I want to write this? Spreading these types of ideas that we should have faith that X is true because Y says so, is dangerous. Whether Y is Krishna, Allah, Jesus, any book or golden tablets.

Why is this dangerous?

Because this is believing everything Krishna, Allah, Jesus, a book or golden tablet has to say, without questioning it. This is one very tiny step away from giving up your life for a master who claims to know "the teachings", who tells you he knows your life isn't blissful, and promises to get you to a realized state, where you can realize your purpose, to attain the better state (after death). There is tons and tons of historical precedence that this master will then go on to exploit you in every way possible.

Whether Y is Krishna, Allah,  Jesus, a book, golden tablets, or the godman next door, you cannot believe them just because they say so. I hope I have convinced you that this is truly dangerous. Gullible people get stuck in these cults and give up their lives to a master. This sort of thing is growing in India, with so many godmen and godwomen, gaining massive amounts of money and power, purely through deception of the masses.

Just because someone claims that they know the truth, they don't. Especially if they say you cannot understand it because you are unwilling to suspend your disbelief. Especially if they ask you to use your heart and not your brain, make sure you put all your mental faculty at work to deal with these charlatans.

My recipe for life is simple. Live life for what it is. Be genuine and be good. If you are reading/ writing this, life cannot really be as hard as these brainwashed people make it to be. Learn from your mistakes, you will make them along the way. Help other folks when they need it, and be genuine while doing so. And when you need help, you'll have people around you to help, and you can overcome all difficulties by thinking through your options and patiently taking one step at a time and letting time heal.

There aren't simple answers, but you'll find your answer, if you work on it.

----

Post Scripts:
  1. When I sat to write this I did an online search for the name of the person who was running this course and the name the course. Neither by itself yielded anything interesting, but both together revealed a cult affiliation. Ughhhhh. I'm ashamed to admit that my search skills were of no use in saving me from this nonsense that I've now wasted hours on.
  2. I did some more search on the use of drugs in organizations such as these, and came upon a very interesting study that I totally recommend: addictive organizations. This is way beyond what I had expected when I started looking for this topic! Very, very interesting read.
  3. It seems to me, ironically, religions survive or die out based on darwinian principles, so they evolve too. The older a religion has survived, the better it is at accepting other people, cultures and science, because there is no way any sane person in the modern day will believe in an extremely dogmatic religion that doesn't allow an open mind. That's why the pope thinks evolution can co-exist with his religion and the adam & eve are just symbolic. Because otherwise you'll get only nutjobs to believe in your religion, making it worse for your brand. New cults, on the other hand, seem to be science deniers. They'll learn too, or just die out, which is what these cultic organizations truly deserve. How I wish their Karma worked on them, at the very least!
  4. For folks who say, "But I need religion, otherwise I'll be depressed because I'm going through a lot": You may want the feel good factor of trusting that someone has all the answers. That they seem to know that everything has an ultimate good purpose. During times of distress, this is a crutch we all like to have. Realize this is a "feel good" temporary crutch. It is not the truth. There can only be one truth, and no one knows what that is at this point in time, and we may never know either. This is ok.
  5. I am not going back for the rest of the course. You guessed that one right, didn't you? Even though I've endured quite a lot of bullshitisms that I've never previously needed to endure, I must say I have a perverse attraction to go there till the very end end if only to see how much further along the delusion scale they are on. I just don't think I can stand their "holy know it all"ness anymore. 


Sunday, May 5, 2013

A hot topic for Indians

Wrote this a while ago, but getting to publishing it now. 

Coming across this article late, but right after a recent debate at work about reservation (affirmative action) in India.

But, when someone says, "why should I pay for it?", when they, having given up a seat in a college for someone from a lower caste, to be admitted in a college that is ranked ever so slightly lower, I now know I should calmly reply with this, a huge driver for me personally since the minute I heard it seven years ago:
"So long as the millions die in hunger and ignorance, I hold every man a traitor, who, having been educated AT THEIR EXPENSE, pays not the least heed to them" - Vivekananda.

And exit the debate.

Because, many very privileged Indians, don't and will never realize all the privileges we have, and have always had. And how we cannot compare with the folks who have none of those privileges. Here are a few:
  • All schools in India have to be non profits, thus tax exempt. We may have paid money (some or lots of it) to the school, but that's because we were born to parents who could afford it, nothing we, ourselves deserve. And, I'm just plain lucky to have been born to my folks, instead of in a below poverty line household that made up much more than (the official) 40% of India? (roughly the same the year I was born). The private schools we went to, did not pay taxes
  • Folks who went to private schools, we are already, easily, among the top 27%. The % of children who receive a private school education, and, public schools are extremely bad in India, and no, we would shudder to think of getting schooled there. Only poor kids would go there
  • Our parents, and probably grandparents were going to school, and maybe even college, when ~80% of India was illiterate in 1947. That generation, those that got an invaluable education should have made things better, but they didn't. Someone has to pay up for that. I would think, it would be us and a few more generations to come.
  • Were we encouraged, atleast once a week, about going to school and working hard to do well there? That's undefinably more than what a first generation school going kid probably receives - zero encouragement and discouragement at many, many levels. There is possibly encouragement to DROP OUT of school once a week. "How are you helping at all by going to school? Why can't you get some money home to get some food on your plates?"
  • And the kid of our school's cleaners (ayahs), probably had to drop out of a government run, no-one-would-even-think-of-going-there-school-if-they-had-any-money school in middle school to find work for that reason. And no, *of course*, they didn't get to go to the same school were their parents worked. A pittance of our fees went to those invisible folks 
Then, we, who fall well in the top 10% of the socio-economic ladder talk hours against setting aside 69% of college seats for these people, the ones we would rather not go to school with. Because, of course, there is the question of "merit", and "deserving". "Merit" which we have gained at their expense, and "merit", which the author of the above linked post says is our wall of privilege. And "deserving" that they don't and, we, quite automatically, do. "Deserving" which we didn't either, when we got those parents and went to those schools.

And, as Dr. Ravishankar rightly states in this article about folks who say they will be okay with reservations based on economic criteria:

"A note on reservations based on economic criterion - It is quite surprising that the advocates of economic criterion bring up the point only in retaliation to caste-based reservations, and not as a desired step in itself. When the Delhi govt. proposed 25% reservation for the poor in schools, again everyone was up in arms. Also, genuine economic-based reservation in proportion to population percentages would still leave the FCs with a very small number of seats. (i.e if 95% people have less than a lakh income per year, then 95% of seats are reserved for such people, and so on). Perhaps what people mean is a token "10% reservation" for economically backward, so as to shut the debate?"

What are we trying to fix?

"Mr. Shinde said he has asked all DGPs to introspect on the poor rate of conviction in crimes against women and work towards effective policing." - The Hindu

This is NOT the only thing we want fixed. This incentivizes police personnel to not even register new cases, and not register them and track down the wrong doers. This happens all the time in the best neighbourhoods of Chennai, because the crime rate is "low" in those places, police personnel just don't want to register crimes happening in these areas.


Monday, February 18, 2013

Divine Interventions

Not everything is sacred. But, doesn't everything have a potential to be?

Friday, February 10, 2012

"Strong opinions, lightly held"

On Tuesday, my most Zen colleague said he'd heard someone saying this, "It's ok to have strong opinions. But lightly held", at a work meeting.

Later that very evening, I was at a "Opinions and Truth" meditation class at IMSB, and the talk was about - ditto! I told my teacher this quote after the talk and she liked it so much that she wanted to include it in her teachings, and sat to write it down!

And, I guess, nature was conspiring for me to get that message. And it couldn't be clearer nor come at a more appropriate time! How much I needed it! I certainly want people around me to be that way, but, let me start with the easiest one. Me :)

It's all alright-o! :)

Saturday, January 14, 2012

A life changed...

2011 has been long, with many tides of changes in me.

It began with a vacation. 10 days of being with the Hawaiian family that taught me that an important thing in life is to look and take notice. And that happiness is ours to take.

Mindfulness Meditation taught by Shaila Catherine. I meta think now. And I have surprised myself ever since.

Design thinking at the D.school with TeachForAmerica. I learned what I am not. And know and accept better what I am.

A health plan, that includes me becoming stronger, warding off that family diabetes, and hiking when at 70 :)

Friends. One taught me that sometimes, people need to let go. And all things heal. One taught me that sometimes, I need to let go. And let things settle. The rest continue to show me how much beauty there is.

People. Some who taught me to trust and heed to my own emotions, explicable or not, more than I cared to. And then the many who made me realize that random kindnesses abound. One who told me that if I weren't starting each day by being thankful for the abundance I'm surrounded with, then I start each day with a lie. I wake up to the truth ever since.

And a partner, who has been found. Together, Bala and I, we're making a precious young eternity.

And that brings me to the quote, from a book that I've just begun to understand, for which 2011 has been proof enough:
Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity - Paulo Coelho

And the elder says, "I predict your 2012 is going to be super interesting with lots of new things and people :o)". Whatta seer! I'm all set for 2012 :)

(And today, Friday 13, has been one of the happiest days ever! The doc got through a top-notch med-school. Nothing deserves jumping in joy more than this!)

Saturday, September 24, 2011

And this last week...

Flew back on Sunday after a long trip... Home, sweet home. Or is it, room, sweet room, for the unsettled nomad who is me?

One of the dinner menu's at A & P's last week was rasam, vazhakkai fry and beetroot halwa (with cashews n raisins, but no ice-cream :/). After a breakfast of egg dosa and a lunch of capsicum rice that same day. How much I miss my Tucson company!

Met M after more than a year! How much has changed! And A now is the official know-er of all my friends who live in the US, thanks to all the hosting done! :)

De-cluttered my room! It's now more spacious. Being minimal isn't easy, even for a person like me who doesn't like to spend. I also really need to start sending away some of my will-never-read-again books at PaperbackSwap. And reallly need to finish reading all the half read ones.

Watched Idomeneo, supposedly Mozart's favourite opera. It was too long (3.5 hrs, with 2 intermissions) for a week night opera, but the music was so good! Infact, my fav part was watching the violinists. They looked like dancers, and the sounds were so pleasant! And, it was a free ticket from the employer. My favorite remains La bohème, though it made me cry. Which was a surprise BDay gift from S & Y, and in the second row, center seat! Nothing beats that :)

After stressing a ton last week, I realize now, how lucky I am... And a friend puts it this way - there are good problems, and there are bad ones. These are the good type of problems to have! :D

And as you already know, survived a slamming of my fingers in a car door excellently well!

Maybe, I should write more often again. It's been missed (by me! ;).

By design

Wednesday, after a fun lunch with the colleagues, I was getting into the back seat of a van to go back to the workplace. My friend who was driving, slammed her door shut.

A shout, and an opening of the door later, my hands were free. The three fingers that had been caught were slightly bruised, and paining a little bit. I was new to getting into vans. And had my hand around the part between the front and rear doors. Stupidity - yes.

Close/open - check; stretch - check; bend - check. Phew. :)

But, Pain also check :(

"Did the door really fully??" "Yes", came the answer. "That is scary" said another.

Two ice packs, and an Ibuprofen. Home. And a call. At urgent care to see if it were a fracture.

"In all the cases I've seen, unless it is black and blue, swollen, and can't be bent, it has never been a fracture, if it is a car door", the doc said. She also said that it was going to get much worse for the next couple of days before it would get better. I would need lots of ice almost continuously, and 3 ibuprofens 3 times a day. Now, that scared me more than anything else! Two more ibuprofens that night.

Next morning, I woke up, and had forgotten all about it. There was absolutely no pain! And no swelling. One bruise was barely visible, and the others, not at all! Our bodies heal so well!

And someone devised the car door that way! The contact areas were mostly rubber, and there is comfortable finger space in there! The initial pain was possibly only because it was shut with force, and the shock.

Whoever you are, designer of the car door of the Honda Odyssey, and all the engineering that went into it, a lot of thanks for my happy hand!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Two more

It is hardwork that will take me to where I want to be.
And, it is kindness that will take me to who I want to be.

(The apparent contradiction of these two with the last two, is in appearance alone)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Two things

When I'm fighting myself and hoping to make it work,
While I'm thinking of the good story it will make in the years to come

It is time to question the worthiness of 'it'.

Anything worth anything is made when I am not thinking about a future in which I am the center piece.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Anew!

A beginning tomorrow!

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive"
- Howard Thurman

"I was obliged to be industrious. Whoever is equally industrious will succeed equally well."
- J.N. Forkel, Bach's Life (1802)

(Both quotes are from the comments section of this post which my brother sent me. Which we spoke about after he sent me this, which is an extremely interesting read. Thanks anna! Also, if you folks have the time, the lectures here are brilliant! I attended each one of them at the Centennial Hall last year :) )

Monday, October 11, 2010

Nugget store

When all the money I needed was the 50 paisa coin
for the old man to fill air in my bicycle tyre
on the way back from school,
where friends were made
who would never be lost.

When maximal guilt was after I returned happily
having played a quick game at a new place, with new found friends.
But to some very worried faces and an angry one.
Four hours had stretched into eternity
along with several search expeditions.

When I couldn't sleep without my mother next to me
telling me things that I would remember forever.
Like the time I lost a gold earring
and she defined what precious was.
It wasn't it, but was me, she said.

When staring at the stars,
like they held the answers,
dreams were dreamt of a future full of questions
but answers too.
And those in joyful abundance.

When stories were spun
of places and people that had been seen
and those just imagined.
And worked with friends,
these thoughts only imagined
could then come to live.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Restart!

When somethings you did seem pointless and somethings that happened and some people are just not comprehensible, and it all happens one after another, it is hard to shrug every one of it, off with a "stuff happens". There is increasing fear that more *stuff* will follow. I wonder who said "patta kaalilae padum".

But there are things that bring forth hopes of better things. New people whom you connect with quickly (but had to leave abruptly). Old pals with whom you laugh until the stomach hurts (but only over the phone). A new place that you are moving into where you can hear the sound of water fall into a little pond and see water lillies from your bedroom (but have to break a back for getting all the stuff into, alone). Random pings and emails that never have to *say* that they care (but from super far).

But there is definitely silver, lining all those brackets. Though, the more I bring myself to start thinking, it all really is gold.

These simple-little-things - that's the stuff that seems to matter :)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Disconnect

Why do we use-n-throw
When we can create everlasting beauty?

Why do we recall the bad
When we could be thinking of all things good?

Why do we draw more borders
When we can be pleasantly inclusive?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Bits and pieces

It is happiness when a home is made in two years. When you leave it to return home, it is strange. And stranger when a teary farewell is involved, and that is followed by a joyful return.

It is hard to come to terms with the fact that I will probably never be able to spend as much time with the new friends made as I am used to doing now. We will meet again, that isn't the question at all, but under different circumstances. Things will change. Everything changes.

With an exception, I just realize - the feeling of home. It is the same, just as it was a year and a half earlier when I left it, just as it was many, many years earlier when I was born into it. The permanency of this place and the way I feel here suddenly now explain my absolutely unsentimental farewells in the Chennai airport (And with that, crashed my pride in being one of the unsentimental types. Damn)

But is this good? This taking comfort in things permanent? And this helplessness when faced with temporariness?

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Endless Nonsense

Since the time seems to have come for everyone around me to think that I am ready for marriage, the following possibilities arise:
1. A god-fearing, very pious, verry nice guy - probability = 0.01%. No more talk about this!
2. A kinda-sorta-god-believing guy - probability = 80%. Some more talk warranted.
3. An atheist - probability = (100 - 80 - 0.01)% - More talk less warranted. But warranted nevertheless.
Given that I'm an atheist, this is a very good, first, high level classification of possibilities. Ok. Now I'll get to the next section, titled, Next What?, and talk a bit about some of the interesting possibilities in each case, leaving out the boring, lived-happily-ever-after ones. It could turn into a tragic movie or a comic movie from here on, depending on the case, depending totally on who is seeing it and more totally on how you see it and so many more undependable factors. Ok. That won't make any good movie. But let me talk about it anyway.
Case 2 - God believing guy: This guy believes in the benevolent god. He sees me. Within two weeks, he decides god cannot be benevolent. He turns atheist!
Case 3 - Atheist guy: Within 2 weeks, What have I gotten myself into? Is this the fate the god almighty has decreed because of my past sins? He becomes a pucca god-fearing guy (now that he has been punished, the fear cometh automatically, No more punishment please), seeking forgiveness for all his past blasphemous thoughts. Oh dear merciful lord! Will I ever get to heaven?
And are we stopping with the nonsense here? No, no! There is a sequel too!
Case 2 - Part 2: I become like the guy in Case 3(Part 1)!
What fun it is for conversations with people whom you know for far too long to turn into such banter! Moments of enhanced nuttiness indeed!


ps: My next post will not be about percentages. God promise! And no, this one was only about probability.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

I am old enough!

I was 18 and it was the first time that I had planned to be away from home for five full days in succession. Leaving home on Monday morning, the plan was to stay in the hostel until Saturday afternoon.

After multiple enquiries of "Anninu ethunaina??" (yep! I'm a pucca fraud Telugu... and a pucca Tamil, so that translates to "Have you taken everything?") from mom, during the grumbly eating of the worst on my list of breakfasts, waving off the packed lunch box with, "Hostel food is supposed to be decent ma, and I'll have to carry the box around for a week after today's lunch!?", paying 10 rupees to the auto driver instead of doing the 10 minutes walk which could not be afforded that day (as many others), I was happily sitting in the college bus and dreaming about the five full days of independence. And purposefulness.

I was to teach 3 kids  who worked in the hostel and the canteen, Ilakkanam (Grammar) and Ilakkiyam (Poetry), for their SSLC exams, every morning and evening of that week. We had two months to go for the exams. Going home alone by MTC after 8 pm from my college in Vandalur to my house in Adayar was not something I wanted to do for a full week. And if I didn't stay in the hostel, we couldn't study in the mornings too.

I was excited that the kids were also very excited to be studying most of the text in a week! Ofcourse we had apprehensions, but we had a plan!

It was my first time teaching for a week and on a schedule! And the first time away from home. How nicely I was proving I was an adult!

That evening it all started off well. Our study session gained momentum after the first 20 minutes. The kids we were dealing with were super smart. If they had had anywhere close to the general atmosphere I was brought up in, they would have been shining stars wherever they had gone. Mornings from 6 to 7:30, after which they had to go back to their work. And evenings from 6 to 7:30 which is when they had begged for time off, after which they had to get back for dinner time. The kids, I realised, were super eager and super awesome! The study session was very well spent.

But not the dinner and lunch times. Being a vegetarian in a Muslim minority college's hostel, was NOT fun. Parota with lamb curry was the special dinner on Monday. I got to eat the famed parota, but with a sad twist - it had to go down with watered vegetables, aka vegetable kuruma. And then this:

"Seri. Naan poi thayir saadham eduthutu varaen." (Let me go get curd and rice)
"Enga irundhu?" (Where from?)
"Mess dhaan... edhukku kaekarae?" (The mess ofcourse... Why do you ask?)

The two friends had nothing but a "Idhu thayir saadham case aa?" look that I was to figure out much later. They were patient enough though, to explain that there was usually no curd nor rice during dinner on any of the days.

"Nejamava? Eppadi thayir illama digest aagum?" (Really? How  does the food get digested then?)

Amused Silence.

Ok...

And to myself, Don't ask stupid questions.

Next morning. Up at 5:00 am. So that I could get to the canteen at 6, where our class was scheduled. Bleary, because my usual awakening happened around 7 am with multiple snooze button presses, I took my brush, paste, soap and clothes and a bucket with a mug, which was on the way out of the room and required no guessing on my part. Saw a few girls with their books in the corridor. So early. Girls actually can wake up that early to study?

Went inside the bath room at the end of the corridor. Brushed. Turned to let the bucket fill up. There was just one tap. Not two? No hot water??!!! Boo hooooo  hooooooo!!!!!! A freezing bath at 5:30 am later, I was out shivering and ran to the room. Dhaksh was groggily awake.
"Adhukulla kulichitaya? (Yawnnn) Sudu thanni yaaru potu kudutha??" (Took bath already? Who put the hot water?)
"Varavae illa. Bayangara cold aa irundhadhu" (It never came. It was terribly cold)
(Awake now) "Loosu!! Ezhuppi irukalaam illa?? Adhuku dhaan heater vechirukkomae!" (Stupid! You should have woken me up. We have a heater!)

Ok...

And to myself, Ask questions.

I will get better at this. Better soon.

The morning session though, was a hit. The kids were up and ready and I wasn't late either. And mid-session, we were giving the awesome tea by the canteen folks. "Padinga ma. Pasanga nalla mark vaangi pass pannatum." (Study well. The children should get good marks and pass the exams) I had energy flowing into me from all directions now.

Back to the hostel and breakfast. The cribbed about breakfast the previous day was past. I was having Pongal with friends. Life is good.

After college, I was chatting up with the dorm folks. As I knew just two girls in that dorm, I was having the history finding, sharing conversation with the rest. "Endha oor? Amma enna panraanga?" (Where from, What does mom do?) and my "Amma, appa Madurai. Naan Chennai dhaan." (Mom and dad are from Madurai but I'm from Chennai only) The pride!

A study session (we were ahead of our time table by now!), another disastrous dinner, and an upset stomach later, the 5-meals-a-day-me of the past was malnourished.

I called amma from the phone booth on Wednesday morning after another study session and feigned total bliss. "Annimae super ma. 10th tamil lessa nyabagam undhi. Super ga undhi, moonu vaalagunu lessa purunjusundhi. Parotta thintini!!". (Everything is fantastic. And I remember 10th grade tamil very well. The three kids are following very well too! I had parotta! )


Then made 2 more calls to ask Sudha to bring lunch for me for Thursday and Manju for Friday. A friend in dire need! I also decided I would ask amma to pack 2 tiffin boxes whenever she could, so that I can give Dhaksh.

And then there was some lady in the hostel (someone whom everyone used bad words about) who created a fuss that morning saying I hadn't gotten the required permission to stay in the hostel. I had gotten all the permissions and even after explaining to her about that and the reason I was staying, she had to bring the roof down. Screaming at me and my friend. Bad taste in mouth. Now my friend might have problems, but she didn't seem too worried. "Andha amma eppavum kathikittu dhaan irukkum. Nee tension aagadhae." (The woman forever yells. No tension!). This decided it for me.

After Thursday's delicious lunch and the evening study session, I called my mom at 7:30. "Amma, naenu naedae intigu othaanu. Naagu manchi dinner chae.. Please!"  (Ma, am coming home tonight. Please make good dinner for me)

Waited for the PP21 and was home an hour and a half later. Smelled ghee that was being made and followed it to the kitchen and to mom. There was paruppu thogayal and menthulu pulusu. And my mom talking about her day at work.

Home had never felt better. Mom sat me down for dinner and listened to all the praise I had for home food. She knew.

When I gulped down breakfast with "super a undhi!" ("It's super!"), after that particular product (along with many others) had gone up much higher in my now expanded list of what people eat, she really knew.

My friend asked me that morning in college, "Seekaram veetuku poitaya? Amma ku surprise aa??". (Did you go home early so that you could surprise your mom?)

"No way! Apram enakku saapadu micham illama irundhirundha angayae sethirupaaen!" (No way! I would have died instantly if I had to find that she didn't have enough food left for me)

Yeahrrrright I was an adult! Didn't even want to be one.

ps: Food, is the all powerful driving force, for all things there is.
ps1: The children who worked in the canteen and the mess were technically, legally not children. They were above the age limit after which they could work. But that is legality. These were kids, according to my 18 year old brain even.
ps2: We did finish the Tamil text next week. Two kids passed their Tamil and Social Sciences exam and one didn't. They were scheduled to write the other exams the next year, but none of them stayed long enough in the same job for us to help with writing their next set of exams. After repeated attempts in writing to them in the address we had on their SSLC application forms, we gave up trying to get in touch with them
ps3: If you are against reservation, please go and first level the playing field for these kids and kids who have educated parents doing everything they can to get the best education for their kids. All your energy is needed there! There are enough people to do all the talking already.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Phir Mile Sur Mera Tumhara

It appears that stars who cannot share screen space talk to us about national integration!

If all the Khans, Bachchans and all the other 20 actors had been bunched up on one screen to sing the one line, this video would have been much better. And shorter. Then they may have thought about adding people whom we really look up to. NOT these actors.

This was a waste of my time. But I got to watch the old one a few times because of this one. That makes me feel good. Always will :)

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Comforted

With fever, cold, sore throat, cough and seemingly infected paranasal sinuses - when the usual illnesses have decided to go the whole nine yards, the stuff you choose to see around you changes a little bit. I realise after 3 years of being away from home, that I am not at home. Not in Chennai. I live in a far away land. And it cannot be mom who does the magic.

It is me who has to double up as is required. And so, I go back to my recipes label and pick out Painless Rasam.

I have had a tumultuous affair with rasam. So to say. I never did like it, once upon a time. And once upon a little time later, I was in love with it. And now, I do not have any strong feelings towards it. Except when the hot ghee and the spluttered mustard and jeera come in contact with the almost made rasam. At that instance, when the rasam is made, I am forever in love with the aroma. My tastebuds itching for some rasam saadham (rasam rice) and urulaikazhangu fry (the potato roast here).

It is the one thing that can comfort, where all else fails. And when you are ill, the urulakazhangu is not needed anymore. Just the rasam and nicely cooked rice will do. *Nicely* cooked (= easily mashable) wasn't how my microwave cooked rice is. Sad. But cooked.

So... many room-mates ago, I learnt a new way of making rasam. The Andhra style, or so my then-roomie said. I am tempted to call it the painless rasam, because, it is as effort-free a dish can be. Made it when I was sick-and-miles-away-from-mom for the first time. And it has been thus for every sick roomie and the self thus far.

2 table spoons of jeera (cumin) powder
2 table spoons of pepper powder (If you have a little extra pain tolerance, you can freshly dry roast and grind jeera and pepper - there is MUCH difference!)
Salt to taste
2 large tomatoes
1/2 spoon
tamarind paste - I used original tamarind today - the standard lemon sized ball soaked in hot water and squeezed out
1/4 teaspoon dhaniya (coriander) powder
1/2 spoon mom-made rasam powder (guessing any readymade brand should be fine)
Mix all these in the vessel in which you make your rasam. Leave it aside for an hour. Not on the stove yet.
 
After the passing of the hour, put the vessel on the stove and bring to a boil. Then simmer.

Heat ghee in a "thaalippu karandi" and splutter some jeera and mustard. Then a bunch of curry leaves. If you are fond of garlic, add a few mid-sized cloves which you have smashed and peeled, and let it roast in the ghee. Add a little pinch of asafoetida (hing). Add this to the simmering rasam. And give in to the pleasure of the making-life-worth-living aroma. And if you can wait longer, add a bunch of chopped coriander leaves too.

This mixed with rice, you are now ready to get all your clogged plumbing opened up!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Do I know what suffering is?

A bit.

I've seen a lot of people suffering around me, they lack three meals a day, a roof, independence, a decent education and dreams. Things that are precious and vitally important for me. But for me, they are a given, and therefore I can take them for granted.
I have seen a lot of suffering from afar. And some up close. Very close.

But yes, I've only seen it around me.

A very tiny bit.

Personally, I have just had my 2 months of deprivation of excesses, when I was a poor graduate student who wasn't funded*. This, is not even suffering.

No. 

I know nothing about what suffering is.

Some will say. And I will agree sometimes.

But at other times I can't help but ask myself some questions and lean towards disagreement. Does one have to experience something to know what it is? What is empathy all about then? Can I not feel what another human feels, when I keep my eyes open and my emotions alive?

Yet another question for which I have no answer.


* I had to write this down to show that tremendous difference that I see between the experiences. Even though, placing this in a post about suffering could in itself be construed as an insult to every person who has ever endured the kinds of things I can only start to mention, it is not intended to be so.